Providing pocket money to children on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree with this statement that giving weekly money to childrens will help them in their future life. There are many reasons for my opinion, which I will explain in the following paragraphs. Firstly, when children getreceive pocket money every week, they will learn how to manage and save their money. They can use this skill in their adult life too. For example, if they want to buy a toy, they will have to save their pocket money for a few weeks instead of asking their parents to buy it for them. This way, they understand the value of money and how to use it wisely. Secondly, giving pocket money to children will makes them independent. They can decide what to buy with their own money and not depend on their parents for everything. This will make them morefosters a sense of responsibleility and confidentce in their life. Tves. Moreover, they will also learn how to make decisions and solve problems on their own. In conclusion, I strongly agree that providing pocket money to children every week has many benefits for their future. It teaches them important life skills like money management, independence, and decision-making. These skills will help them become successful and responsible adults in the future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of providing pocket money to children, effectively addressing the task with relevant examples. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear position. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the need for a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between points, and improving the overall clarity of the writing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating counterarguments to provide a more nuanced discussion and using more varied linking phrases to enhance coherence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, the use of more varied linking phrases could enhance the flow. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could improve transitions between points.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. For example, 'I am agree' should be 'I agree,' and 'for few weeks' should be 'for a few weeks.' To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'pocket money' and 'children.' Additionally, there are minor errors, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree' and 'childrens' instead of 'children.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions related to financial literacy and independence.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by clearly stating a position in favor of providing pocket money to children and develops relevant ideas with examples. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion, such as considering potential counterarguments or elaborating on the benefits in greater detail. For instance, discussing how financial literacy can impact their future financial decisions would strengthen the argument.
7.0

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