Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless, they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities, the latter being regarded as a 'taboo' subject sometimes. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Part 2
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the mental health problems are becoming more and more prevalent in our society. Many people suffering from the mental illnesses, but they often do not receive the same level of support and understanding as those with physical disabilities or illnesses. I agree that society is generally more accepting of physical illnesses than psychological ones. One reason for this is that physical illnesses and disabilities are often more visible and easier to understand. When someone has a broken leg or is in a wheelchair, it is immediately obvious that they have a medical condition that requires special accommodations. On the other hand, mental illnessehealth conditions such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder are not always visible to others. People with these conditions may appear to be functioning normally on the outside, even though they are struggling with significant challenges on the inside. This can make it more difficult for others to recognize and understand their needs. Another factor is that there is still a significant stigma surrounding mental illness in many societies. Many people view mental health problems as a sign of weakness or personal failure, rather than as a legitimate medical conditions. This can make it difficult for those with mental illnesses to seek help or to be open about their struggles. They may fear being judged, discriminated against, or even ostracizsed by others. As a result, many people with mental health problems suffer in silence, rather than seeking the support and treatment they need. To address this issue, I believe that we need to work towards greater awareness and understanding of mental health issues in our society. This can involve educational campaigns to help people recognizse the signs and symptoms of mental illness, as well as efforts to reduce the stigma surrounding these conditions. We also need to ensure that those with mental health problems have access to the same level of support and resources as those with physical disabilities or illnesses. This can include things like counselling services, medication, and accommodations in the workplace or school setting. In conclusion, while society may be more accepting of physical illnesses and disabilities than psychological ones, this is a problem that needs to be addressed. By increasing awareness, reducing stigma, and providing better support and resources for those with mental health problems, we can create a more inclusive and compassionate society for all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position that agrees with the view that society is more accepting of physical illnesses than psychological ones. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and relevant examples that support the main arguments. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as the inclusion of more specific examples or statistics to substantiate arguments and the use of varied vocabulary to enhance lexical richness. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, such as 'the mental health problem are becoming' to 'mental health problems are becoming' and 'suffering from the mental illness' to 'suffer from mental illnesses.' Additionally, I varied some phrases to avoid repetition, such as changing 'mental illness' to 'mental health conditions.' Further improvements could include incorporating more varied linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion, as well as providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. For instance, the use of phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'Another factor' helps to clarify the contrast between physical and mental illnesses. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words to further enrich the text.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay displays a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'the mental health problem are becoming' (should be 'problems are becoming') and 'suffering from the mental illness' (should be 'mental illnesses'). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but addressing them would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. Terms like 'stigma,' 'accommodations,' and 'legitimate medical condition' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'mental illness' and 'physical illnesses,' which could be varied to enhance lexical richness. Incorporating synonyms or related terms could improve this aspect.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that agrees with the view that society is more accepting of physical illnesses than psychological ones. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the visibility of physical conditions and the stigma surrounding mental health. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to further substantiate their arguments.
8.0

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