Public transportation is being used more and more by people today. Some say that using public transportation is better than driving a car for both individuals and society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the benefits of public transportation over driving, which is a key strength. The structure is generally sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by adjusting awkward phrases, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of situations where driving might be more advantageous, which would create a more balanced discussion. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'This can makes our commute time more productive' should be 'This can make our commute time more productive.' Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the overall flow, such as using 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' to connect ideas more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('usage of public transportations are becoming') and incorrect verb forms ('can has,' 'is usually cheaper'). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and using correct verb forms consistently.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'public transportations' (should be 'public transportation') and 'more better' (should be 'better'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, such as 'public transit' or 'commuting options.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the benefits of public transportation over driving. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and a more balanced discussion of potential drawbacks. For instance, mentioning situations where driving might be more advantageous could enhance the argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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