Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the current time, there are more and more young people who are doing thecommitting violent crimes. According to some psychologists, the main reason is because thethat children are not getting thereceiving proper social and emotional education from their parents and teachers. I am agree with this opinion to a large extent. Firstly, parents play a very importantcrucial role in the development of their children. They are the first teachers of their children and theyand have a bsignificant influence on their children's behaviour. If parents do not teach their childreninstil the right values and morals, the children will not know how to behave approperiately in society. For example, if parents do notfail to teach their children to be kind and respectful towards others, the children may become aggressive and violent. Secondly, teachers also havebear a responsibility to teach their students theimpart social and emotional skills to their students. In school, children spend a loconsiderable amount of time with their teachers and classmates. Teachers should not only teachfocus on academic knowledge, but also teachguide students on how to communicate with others, how to effectively, resolve conflicts, and how to manage their emotions. If teachers do not pay attention toneglect these aspects, students may not learn howstruggle to deal with problems in a peaceful waly and may resort to violence. However, I also think that there arebelieve that other factors that contribute to the rincrease of violent crime among young people. For instance, the influence of media and the lack of proper guidance from the society play significant roles. Children may imitate the violent behaviour they see on TVobserve on television or in video games. Moreover, if the society does not provide enoughadequate support and resources for young people, they may feel frustrated and turn to crime. In conclusion, I agree that the lack of social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is the basica fundamental reason for the increase ofin violent crime among youngsters. Parents and teachers should work together to providecollaborate to equip children with the necessary skills and values to become responsible and peaceful citizens. At the same time, the society should also strive to create a supportive environment for young people to grow up healthily.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that aligns with the psychologists' views on the lack of social and emotional learning. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the main ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include a more explicit acknowledgment of opposing viewpoints and a deeper exploration of additional contributing factors to violent crime. Structural changes made include refining the introduction and body paragraphs for clarity and coherence, as well as enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more sophisticated linking phrases. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be more varied to enhance fluency. Phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are effective but could be complemented with more sophisticated linking words.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree.' Additionally, there are minor issues with sentence structure and punctuation. While the overall meaning is clear, improving grammatical accuracy and complexity would enhance the score.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'social and emotional skills' and 'proper guidance.' However, there is some repetition of words like 'children' and 'violent,' which could be varied to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions would elevate the writing further.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that agrees with the opinion of psychologists regarding the lack of social and emotional learning. The main ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as the roles of parents and teachers. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint and a deeper exploration of the other factors mentioned, which would enhance the overall argument.
7.5

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