Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I partly agree that developed countries need to provide different kinds of assistance to poor nations, but I also think financial aid still plays an important role in helping these countries develop. When rich countries just give moneyfunds to poor countries, this sometimes creates problems instead of solving them. I have seen in the news how some governments take this money but they don'do not use it properly for their people. For example, in my country, when we received aid from other countries, some officials kept moneythe funds for themselves, and normal people didn' not get any benefit. Alsodditionally, when countries keep getting moneyreceiving financial support without learning how to makimprove their own economy betteries, they become too dependent on help from outside. However, I think financial support is still necessary because poor countries need moneyfunds to start making changes. Many developing nations don' not have enough resources to build schools, hospitals, or roads that they need very much. If rich countries stop giving moneyproviding financial aid completely, these countries will have a very difficult time to improveing their situation. The important thing is to make ensure the money isfunds are used in the right way. I believe the best solution is to combine financial aid with other types of helpassistance. Rich countries can send experts who can teach local people important skills, likesuch as how to run businesses or how to use new farming methods. They can also help poor countries to develop their own industries and trade with other nations. When local people learn these skills, they can start makgenerating their own moneyincome, and their countryies will become stronger. For instance, when Japan helpassisted some Southeast Asian countries by teaching them about technology and business, these countries' economyies grew very fast. In conclusion, while I agree that just giving moneyfinancial resources is not enough to solve poverty, I think financial aid should continue together withalongside other forms of assistance. This way, poor countries can getreceive both the moneyfunds they need and the knowledge to use ithem effectively for their development.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that acknowledges both the importance of financial aid and the need for alternative forms of assistance. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and appropriate use of vocabulary. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the specificity of examples and improving transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing lexical variety by replacing repetitive terms, and ensuring clearer topic sentences. Further improvements could involve incorporating specific programs or initiatives that have successfully combined both forms of aid to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the introduction could more clearly outline the structure of the essay to enhance overall coherence.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'this sometimes create problems' (should be 'creates') and 'very difficult time' (should be 'a very difficult time'), but these do not significantly impede understanding. More complex sentence structures could be employed to further showcase grammatical range.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with some sophisticated expressions such as 'financial support,' 'developing nations,' and 'important skills.' However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the word 'money,' which could be replaced with synonyms like 'funds' or 'financial resources' to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more precise to improve clarity.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that acknowledges both the importance of financial aid and the need for alternative forms of assistance. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of financial aid versus other types of support. For instance, discussing specific programs or initiatives that have successfully combined both forms of aid would strengthen the argument.
7.5

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