Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is becoming more common to say that universities must stop offering arts subjects like philosophy and history. The reasoning is becausedue to increasing university tuition costs and few job opportunities for students who graduate. Instead, they argue that universities should focus only on practical degrees that improve chances tof getting a job after graduateion. I disagree with this view to a large extent. Firstly, while job prospects isare important considerations for students who are choosing a degree, ithey should not be the only factor. Many students study arts subjects like history and philosophy because they are passionate about the topics and want to learn more, even if it does not directly lead to a specific career path. Studying these subjects can provide valuable skills like critical thinking, communication, and analysis that are applicable in many different fields and careers. Secondly, arts degrees can actually lead to a variety of career opportunities, even if they are not as obvious or direct as some practical degrees. For example, history graduates may work in fields such as education, research, and journalism, while philosophy graduates can pursue careers in law, business, and writing. It is short-sighted to assume that arts degrees have no practical value or lead to unemployment. Finally, universities play an important role in preserving and advancing knowledge across all disciplines, not just those with clear practical applications. If universities only focus on practical degrees, we risk losing valuable academic diversity and limiting student choice. Arts subjects contribute to a well-rounded education and help create more informed and engaged citizens. In conclusion, while I understand the concern about employment prospects and the rising cost of education, I believe it would be a mistake for universityies to eliminate arts subjects in favour of only practical degrees. Arts degrees offer valuable skills and knowledge that can lead to a variety of fulfilling careers, and they play an important role in maintaining academic diversity and student choice.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument against the elimination of arts subjects in universities, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a well-defined position and relevant examples that illustrate the value of arts education. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and improving the overall flow of the essay. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples and synonyms to reduce repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow of the argument. For instance, the transition between discussing the importance of arts subjects and their career prospects could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices would improve the overall clarity.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('job prospects is' should be 'job prospects are') and incorrect article usage ('a specific career path' instead of 'to a specific career path'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would benefit the writing.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good phrases like 'critical thinking' and 'academic diversity.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'arts subjects' and 'practical degrees.' Additionally, some word choices are awkward, such as 'offer' instead of 'offering' and 'to get job' instead of 'to get a job.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms could enhance the score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the idea of eliminating arts subjects in universities. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the skills gained from studying arts and the potential career paths for arts graduates. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of the proposed changes.
7.0

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