Rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion, the movement of rural people from the countryside to cities is a negative development. There are several reasons why I think like thishold this view. Firstly, when people move into cities, there is lessare fewer people left in the countryside to do the agricultural work. This can lead to decreased food production and rising food prices, which affects everyone in a negative way. The fly. Farming is very importeant for a country's economy and food security, so it is concerning if there are not enough people willing to do this work. Secondly, cities can become overcrowded when too many people movigrate there from rural areas. This can put a strain ton infrastructure and services, likesuch as housing, transportation, healthcare, and education. If cities are unot able to handle the increased population, it can lead to problems such as traffic congestion, insufficient housing, and inadequate access to basic services. This can makeConsequently, life in cities can become very challaenging and stressful for everyone. Lastly, the moveigration of people from rural areas to cities can also have negative social and cultural impacts. Rural communities have their own unique traditions and ways of life that can be lost when people leave. This can lead to a loss of cultural diversity and a diminished sense of community in both rural and urban areas. In conclusion, while there may be some benefits to people moving from the countryside to cities, such as increased job opportunities and access to services, I believe that the negative impacts outwayeigh the positives. It is important for governments to find ways to support rural communities and make life in the countryside more attractive and sustainable for peopleresidents.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that the movement of rural people to cities is a negative development. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant reasons supporting the viewpoint, such as the impact on agricultural work, overcrowding in cities, and the loss of cultural diversity. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the need for more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or data to support claims and varying sentence structures for better flow. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the overall flow could be enhanced by varying the sentence structures and using more sophisticated linking phrases.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'there is less people' (should be 'there are fewer people') and 'put a strain to infrastructure' (should be 'put a strain on infrastructure'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall accuracy and sophistication of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'strain to infrastructure' and 'cultural diversity.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'move of people' and 'move in cities') and some misused words (e.g., 'importent' should be 'important,' 'challanging' should be 'challenging'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting these errors would enhance the score.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that the movement of rural people to cities is a negative development. The writer provides several relevant reasons and examples to support this viewpoint, such as the impact on agricultural work, overcrowding in cities, and the loss of cultural diversity. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments.
7.5

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