Scientist says that junk food is harmful to people's health. Some say the way to ask people to eat less fast food is to educate them while others say education does not work. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is being said by the scientists that junk food can harm the health of peoplepeople's health. There are differents opinions on how to askencourage people to eat less fast food. One group of people thinkbelieves that educating people is the best wayapproach, while another groups thinks that education alone will not worksuffice. I will discuss both sides of this argument and give my opinion. On the one hand, education can be a powerful tool for change the behavior of people. If peopleing people's behaviour. If individuals are taught about the dangers of eatconsuming too much junk food, they may be more likely to make healthyier choices. For example, if schools teach children about nutrition and the importance of eating fruits and vegetables, they may develop healthy eating habits that last a lifetime. Additionally, public health campaigns can raise awareness about the risks of consuming too muchexcessive fast food, such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. On the other hand, some argue that education alone is not enoughinsufficient to change people's behaviour. Even if peopleindividuals know that junk food is bad fordetrimental to their health, they may still choose to eat it because it is convenient, cheap, and tasty. For examplinstance, many people liveead busy lives and do not have time to cookprepare healthy meals at home. They may rely on fast food as a quick and easy option. Furthermore, junk food is often heavily marketed and widely available, making it harddifficult for people to resist. In my opinion, I believe thatwhile education is important, but it needs to be combined with other measures to be effective. While tTeaching people about the dangers of junk food is a good start, but we also need to make healthy food more accessible and affordable. This could involve subsidizsing fruits and vegetables, taxing unhealthy foods, and limiting the marketing of junk food to children. By creating an environment that supports healthy choices, we can help people toindividuals make better decisions about what they eat. In conclusion, while there are differentsing opinions on how to reduce junk food intake, I believe that a combination of education and policy changes is neededcessary. By teaching people about the importance of healthy eating and creating an environment that supports good nutrition, we can help to improve the health of individuals and communities.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the effectiveness of education in reducing junk food consumption. It presents a clear position in the conclusion, advocating for a combination of education and policy changes. Key strengths include a well-organized structure and relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, enhancing grammatical accuracy, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and refining the introduction for conciseness. Further improvements could involve incorporating more specific examples or data to strengthen arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are appropriate linking phrases. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'to change the behavior of people' (should be 'to change people's behavior') and issues with subject-verb agreement. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the grammatical range.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good expressions such as 'public health campaigns' and 'healthy choices.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'education,' which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as 'differents' and 'vegebles,' which detract from the overall quality.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the effectiveness of education in reducing junk food consumption. It presents a clear position in the conclusion, advocating for a combination of education and policy changes. However, the introduction could be more concise, and the argument could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the points made.
7.5

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