Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, most of the countries in the world isare facing the problem of providing good education and healthcare to their citizens. Some people think that the government should provide free education and healthcare, while other people thinks believe that it is the responsibility of the peopleindividuals to pay for these services. In my opinion, I think thatthe government should provide free education and healthcare to their citizens. Firstly, education and healthcare are the basic rights of every citizen. If the government willdoes not provide free education and healthcare, then many people will not be unable to get good education and healthcare. This is because many peopleaccess quality services. This is particularly true for those who are poor and they cannot afford to pay for these services. If government willessential services. By provideing free education and healthcare, then everyone will be able to get good education and healthcarehave the opportunity to receive quality services, regardless of their financial status. Secondly, if the government will provides free education and healthcare, then it will help to reduce the poverty in the country. This is because if people will get good education, then they will be able to get good jobs and earn more money. Similarly, if people will get good healthcare, then they will be able to stayWhen people receive a good education, they are more likely to secure well-paying jobs and earn a higher income. Similarly, access to quality healthcare enables individuals to maintain their healthy and work more efficiently. This will help, in turn, contributes to reduce theing poverty levels in the country. In conclusion, I thinkbelieve that the government should provide free education and healthcare to their citizens. This is because eEducation and healthcare are the basic rights of every citizen and if government will provide free education and healthcare, then it will help to reduce thefundamental rights, and by ensuring access to these services, the government can play a crucial role in alleviating poverty in the countrsociety.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that the government should provide free education and healthcare, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the main argument. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more varied vocabulary and grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and conditional forms. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing cohesion with varied linking phrases, and improving clarity by avoiding repetitive phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating counterarguments to strengthen the argument and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like 'if government will provide.' More varied linking words and phrases could improve the overall cohesion. For instance, using 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance transitions between points.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors, such as 'most of the countries in world is facing' (should be 'in the world are facing') and 'if government will not provide' (should be 'if the government does not provide'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conditional forms.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is some repetition, particularly with the terms 'education' and 'healthcare.' The phrase 'good education and healthcare' is used multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms or more specific terms. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, such as 'accessible education' or 'affordable healthcare.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that the government should provide free education and healthcare. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the impact on poverty and access to services. However, the argument could be strengthened by including counterarguments or more diverse examples to enhance depth.
7.0

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