Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, theire is an increasingly large gap between rich and poor countryies in the world. Some people beliefve that developed countryies have an obligateion to support less developed countries through food aid, educateion, and other assistantce. I personally think that while affluent nations can help to some degree, it is ultimately the responsibleility of poorer nations' governments to take care of theyir own people. On the one hand, wealthyier nations have more resources and expert knowledge which they could share to benefit poorer nations. For example, they could provide food supplies to nations experirencing famine or drought. Alsodditionally, educateors and advisers could be sent to share theyir knowledge and help improofve the school systems in developing nations. This kind of aid has the potentioal to make reeal improvements to the lives of many peoples. However, I beliefve it is essential that poorer nations take prime responsibility for looking after their own citizens. Forieign aid can only go so far -; in the long term, countryies need to develop theyir own systems for provideing welfare, education, healthcare, etc., to their populations. If a nation is always reliant on international help, it will not learn to fend for itself. In my opinion, the governments of poor nations must prioritise the needs of their citiszens and work hard to build a stable economy and society. In conclusion, while wealthyier nations can make important contributeions, I beliefve the prime duty for raising the living standards of poorer nations rests with theyir own governments. Developing strong governingance, economyies, and infruastructure is the only long-term solution. If rich nations help too much, it could lead to dependaence and fail to resolve underlieying issues.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument regarding the responsibilities of wealthy and poorer nations, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a balanced discussion of both perspectives. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples and deeper elaboration on the consequences of both perspectives. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas, and the essay contains numerous spelling and grammatical errors that detract from its overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more detailed examples and discussing the implications of the arguments presented. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, phrases like 'this kind of aid has potential' could be better linked to the previous sentence. Improving the use of cohesive devices and ensuring logical progression would enhance clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation (e.g., 'their is', 'I personal think', 'it is ultimate the responsible of poorer nations govern'). These mistakes affect the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and aim to use more complex sentence structures correctly.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'nowdays', 'belief', 'countrys', 'obligate', 'educate', 'assistant', 'affluent', 'resource', 'expert', 'benefit', 'famine', 'drought', 'educators', 'improof', 'potential', 'real', 'improvement', 'foreign', 'countries', 'provide', 'govern', 'citizens', 'build', 'contribute', 'governing', 'infrastructure', 'dependence', 'underlying') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetition.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the responsibilities of wealthy and poorer nations. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided lack depth. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples and elaborate on the consequences of both perspectives.
6.0

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