Small, independent shops will have no place in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the past, small shops awere very important for people to buy things they need. But nowed. However, many people now think that in the future, small shops will not be exist. I agree with this opinion to some extent. Firstly, big shops and malls are becoming more and moreincreasingly popular. They have many thingoffer a wide variety of items that people need in one place. PeopleCustomers can buy food, clothes, and other things in onnecessities in a single trip. This is verparticularly convenient for people who are busy aindividuals who don't have much time. Small shops can'tConsequently, small shops struggle to compete with this level of convenience. Secondly, online shopping is also becoming moregaining popularity. Many people now buy thingpurchase items from the internet instead of going to shopvisiting physical stores. This method is even more convenient than going to big shops. P, as people can buy thingsshop from home and have themir purchases delivered. SAgain, small shops can'tfind it difficult to compete with this either.trend. However, I thinkbelieve that small shops will still have a place in the future. Some people likeindividuals prefer to support local businesses and buy from small shops. They likeenjoy the personal service and feelingsense of community. Also, some that small shops provide. Additionally, certain small shops selloffer unique or specialty items that big shoplarger retailers and online stores don't have. not carry. In conclusion, I partially agree that small shops will have nomay struggle to find their place in the future. Big shops and online shopping are becoming more popular and convenient. But some people will still like to buy from small shops for personal service and unique items. Small shops will haveNevertheless, some consumers will continue to appreciate the personal service and unique products offered by small shops. While these establishments will need to adapt and find ways to compete, but they won'tare unlikely to disappear completely.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the future of small shops, presenting a balanced view. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples and reducing repetition in vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and improving transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Further improvements could involve incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and exploring the implications of the trends discussed in greater depth. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors, such as 'will not be exist' (should be 'will not exist') and 'from internet' (should be 'from the internet'). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they indicate a need for greater accuracy and complexity in sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some variety. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase 'small shops' and 'convenient.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the richness of the language.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the future of small shops. It presents a clear position, agreeing to some extent with the statement. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of the trends mentioned.
7.0

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