Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In these days, soscial media is becoming more and more popular inamong all age groups of people. It is commaon to see both the young and old using it in every day. However, shareing personal informations on social media haves its risks and dangers. In this essay, I will discuss ifwhether the advanteages of social media is moreare greater than the disadveantages. On one hand, social media haves many benefits. Firstly, it allows us to connect with friends and family who live far away easily. In the past, we needed to write letters or make expensive international calls to keep in touch. Now, with social media, we can chat and share photos and videos with them anytime and anywhere, as long as we have internet access. Secondly, social media is also a great platform to share knowledges and learn new things. Many educational pages on Facebook and Twitter share interesting artikcles and videos about science, history, and other topics that help us learn. Lastly, social media can be used for bussiness and to make money. Many companyies use social media to promote their products and services and reach more customers. Some individuals also use social media to sell things or share their talents and skills to earn income. On the other hand, social media also haves some drawbacks. One of the main concerns is priveacy and security. When we share personal informations like our name, birthday, location, and photos on social media, it can be seen by many people and may be used by bad peoplemalicious individuals to scam or hack us. There is also the risk of cyberbullying and harassment on social media, especially for children and teenagers who may not know how to protect themselves online. Another issue is that social media can be addictive and waste a lot of time. Many people spend hours scrolling through their feeds and neglect important things like work, study, and face-to-face communicateion with others. In conclusion, while social media haves many benefit likes, such as connecting people, shareing knowledge, and oproviding opportunityies for bussiness and income, it also comes with risk ofs related to priveacy and security and can be a waste of time if use too muchd excessively. I believe the advanteages of social media is moreoutweigh thane disadvanteages if we use it in moderastion and bare careful about what informations we share online.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is a key strength. However, the position regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages is now clearer in both the introduction and conclusion, enhancing task achievement. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. The corrected version addresses many spelling errors and grammatical issues, such as subject-verb agreement and verb forms. The use of varied vocabulary has also been improved, reducing repetition. Structural changes made include refining the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the writer's position and enhancing transitions between points for better coherence. Further improvements could include incorporating more linking phrases and synonyms to enhance the flow and variety of language. Additionally, the writer could benefit from proofreading to catch any remaining errors. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'On the contrary' to better connect ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'social media have' should be 'social media has') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'is' instead of 'are'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequent errors detract from clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and practice using a variety of sentence structures correctly.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'sosial,' 'comman,' 'advanteges') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'social media' is used frequently). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and varied expressions would enhance the lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, the position could be clearer and more explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion. For improvement, the writer should clearly articulate their stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages at the beginning and end of the essay.
6.0

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