Social media marketing can influence what consumers buy. Do you agree or disagree? To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Social media marketing is becoming more and moreincreasingly popular in today's world. It is a way for businesses to reach out to customers and promote their products or services. But does social media marketing really influence what consumers buy? I agree that it does, to a certain extent. Firstly, social media marketing allows businesses to target specific groups of people. By using data about users' interests and behaviours, businesses can show ads to peopleindividuals who are more likely to be interested in their products. This means that the ads are more effective and more likely to lead to sales. Additionally, social media marketing can create a sense of urgency or fear of missing out (FOMO). When people see their friends or influencers talking aboutdiscussing a product, they may feel like they necompelled to buy it too in order to fit in or keep up with trends. However, social media marketing is not the only factor that influences consumer behaviour. People also consider things likeaspects such as price, quality, and personal preferences when making purchasing decisions. Additionally, some peopleFurthermore, some individuals are more resistant to advertising than others and may not be swayed by social media marketing. They may prefer to doconduct their own research and make decisions based on their own criteria. In conclusion, I believe that social media marketing can definitecertainly influence what consumers buy, but it is not the onlysole factor. It is most effective when it is targeted and creates a sense of urgency or social proof. But uUltimately, peopleconsumers will make their own decisions based on a variety of factors. BTherefore, businesses should use social media marketing as part of a broader strategy to reach and persuade customers effectively.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument regarding the influence of social media marketing on consumer behaviour, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. Key strengths include a well-defined position and relevant examples that support the main ideas. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as enhancing the conclusion to summarize key points more explicitly and improving transitions between ideas for better coherence. Structural changes made include refining the introduction and conclusion for clarity and ensuring proper grammatical accuracy, such as correcting 'do social media marketing' to 'does social media marketing.' Further improvements could involve varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more cohesive devices for smoother transitions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'firstly' and 'additionally.' However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion could better tie back to the main arguments presented.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'do social media marketing really influence' which should be 'does social media marketing really influence.' Overall, the grammatical accuracy is sufficient to convey the message clearly, but attention to detail could improve the score.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'fear of missing out' and 'social proof' demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'social media marketing' and 'influence,' which could be improved by using synonyms or rephrasing to enhance lexical variety.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that social media marketing influences consumer behavior to a certain extent. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as targeting specific groups and creating a sense of urgency. However, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the key points more explicitly, which would enhance the overall argument.
7.5

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