"Sociology"

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Sociology is a subjects that I find very interesteding. It is the study of society and the way people lives and work together in groups. Sociology looks at different parts of social life, like families, education, religion, government, and so on. It also examines how social life affects people's behaviours, attitudes, and beliefs. One of the things I am most fascinate aboutd by in sociology is how it can help us to better understand ourselfves and the world around us. By studying different cultures and communities, sociology shows us that there isare many different ways of living and thinking. It challenges us to question our own assumptions and see things from new perspectives. Another important aspect of sociology is its focus ion social problems and inequality. Sociologists study issues like poverty, discrimination, and crime, and so on to try to figure out why they happen and how to solve ithem. They also look at how factors such as race, gender, and class can impact people's opportunities and experiences. Overall, I believe that sociology is an incredibly valuable field of study. It helps us to make sense of the complex social world we live in and to work toward createing a more just and equitable society. Whether we are interestsed in understanding our own lives better or in making a positive differentce in the world, sociology has much to offer. It is a subjects that I think everyone should learn more about.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic of sociology and its significance. Key strengths include the relevant information provided about the field and its various aspects. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and the use of a wider range of vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or case studies to enhance the discussion on social problems and using more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a logical order, but the transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better flow. Some sentences feel disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help connect ideas more effectively. A clearer introduction and conclusion would also enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Sociology is subjects'), incorrect verb forms ('look' should be 'looks'), and awkward constructions ('to work toward create' should be 'to work toward creating'). These errors affect clarity and detract from the overall quality of the writing. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'subjects' instead of 'subject' and 'interested' instead of 'interesting.' The use of phrases like 'social problems' and 'inequality' is effective, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. Incorporating more sophisticated terms would elevate the writing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of sociology and provides relevant information about its significance and areas of study. However, it lacks a clear structure and some points could be more developed. For example, the discussion on social problems could include specific examples or case studies to enhance understanding. Additionally, the essay does not fully adhere to the word limit for IELTS Task 1, which is 150 words.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."