Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Now a adays, there are many childsren who usespend a lots of time with they'sir smartphones. This happens for someeveral reasons, which I will explain in this essay. Alsodditionally, I will sayexpress my opinion ison whether this is a positive or negative development. One of the maine reasons childsren use smartphones for so much time is becausethat these phones hasve many interesting apps and games. For exsample, social media apps like Instagram, and TikTok are very popular with theamong young people. They can see photos and videos from theyir friends and also from famous peoples. AlsoFurthermore, many mobile games are very addictive and fun, so childsren want to play ithem for a long time. Another reason is that parents are biusy with work, so givethey give their phones to children to keep them occupied. Childsren have a lot of free time, and with their phones, they can entertain themselfs. ves. In miney opinion, childsren useing smartphones for many hours is mostly a negative development. First, it is wastinges time whenthat they can doould spend on other importante thing activities like studying, playing outside, makeor making friends. Too much screen time is also not good for health,; it can cause problems with their eyes, neck pain from bending down all the time, and can also make childs fatlead to obesity because they sit all day. Another negative aeffect is childs see bad things online likethat children may encounter inappropriate content online, such as violaence and also sexual contentsmaterial, which can negatively influaence theyir behaviour in bad ways. But I also think there some positive things, like childs can. However, I also believe there are some positive aspects, such as children being able to learn useful informations and skills from educational apps and videos. Just must us, but this must be done in moderation. In the conclusion, childsren spend too much time ion smartphones because it very interestthey are very engaging and parents giveoften use them as a babysiter, but mostly cause negative problems for bodyter. However, this trend mostly leads to negative consequences for their bodies, minds, and waste they childhoodoverall childhood experience. Parents need to limit the time their children use phones and ensaure they doengage in other healthier activityies alsos well.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing reasons why children spend time on smartphones and presenting a clear opinion on the negative aspects of this trend. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and coherence. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples to support arguments and elaborating on the positive aspects of smartphone use. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions. For instance, the transition between discussing negative effects and positive aspects could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance clarity.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childs use smartphones'), incorrect verb forms ('useing'), and sentence structure problems. These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on mastering basic grammatical rules and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors (e.g., 'childs', 'bisy', 'exsample', 'importante'). While some phrases are effective, the overall range of vocabulary is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons why children spend time on smartphones and presents a clear opinion on the negative aspects of this trend. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the conclusion could be more robust. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the positive aspects mentioned.
5.5

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