Some companies allow their employees to work from home but others still expect people to work in the office. Discuss both sides and give examples.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay presents a clear discussion of both sides of the argument regarding working from home versus working in the office, which is a key strength. The structure is generally appropriate, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting spelling errors, improving sentence structure, and enhancing clarity with better transitions. Further improvements could include providing more specific examples and elaborating on points made to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved for better clarity. For instance, using clearer transitions between points would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and punctuation that affect clarity (e.g., 'dont need drive', 'my friend tell me'). To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence structures, as well as proofreading for grammatical accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'emplyees', 'adventages', 'separet', 'distrect') that hinder understanding. While some phrases are effective, the range of vocabulary is limited. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding working from home versus working in the office. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the argument. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, ensuring a clearer position is presented.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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