Some countries achieve international sports success by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In modern days, some countryies are trying to getachieve more international sports success fromby building special facility onies solely for elite athlete training, and notrather than facilities whichthat everyone usingcan use. I agreed it that this is a negative develop.ment. On 1one hand, this approach helps country geties gain more medals oin international competitions like the Olympics. When athletes have access into state-of-the-art training centeres and coaches, they performing at their best. For example, China has many facilities for training young talent into top-performing athletes, which is why they are always at the top of the medal table. ItThis seems goodbeneficial because more medals mean a country looks strong and powerful ion the international stage. However, I beleieve this approach is wrong in my opinion. Firstly, when all the money goinges only to elite sports, it takinges away from public sports and health. I think the government should provide more sports grounds and facilityies for regular people, so everyone haves a chance to doparticipate in sports and staying healthy. But iIf all moneythe funding goes to special training for just a few athletes, then everyone else does not have the same opportunity. Secondly, it alsodoes not encourage people to take onup sports. When people see that all the money going only inis directed only towards professional sports, they beleive only way they can doieve that the only way to engage in sports is bey becoming a professional, which is not true because sports should be for everyone's enjoyment and health. I think this message is important and goodbeneficial for sosciety in general. To summaryise, whilst I understanding the benefits to giveof providing special training for top athletes and how it brings international success, but I strongly beleieve thisat these funds can be used better if givused if allocated to public for sports facilities that everyone usingcan use. This will improve the health of the country's population in overall and also inspire more people takingo take up sports. It willould be a more positive developement in my opinion.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents arguments for both sides of the issue. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs and relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include clearer articulation of the writer's position in the introduction and conclusion, as well as addressing grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include refining the introduction to clearly state the opinion and enhancing the conclusion for decisiveness. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and improving the use of cohesive devices for better flow. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, 'When athlete have access in state-of-art training centers and coach, they performing best' could be rephrased for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall fluency.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('athlete have' should be 'athletes have') and incorrect verb forms ('they performing' should be 'they perform'). While there is some variety in sentence structures, the errors impact the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure proper subject-verb agreement.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'beleive', 'aproach', 'facilityes', 'oportunitiy', 'sosiety') that detract from the overall quality. The writer does use some varied vocabulary, but repetition of phrases like 'special training' and 'elite athletes' could be reduced. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling accuracy and try to incorporate a wider range of synonyms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the development of specialized sports facilities for elite athletes versus public sports facilities. However, the position is not clearly articulated in the introduction, and the conclusion could be more decisive. To improve, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and summarize it effectively in the conclusion.
6.0

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