Some countries are experiencing a growing trend where men choose to be stay-at-home fathers while their wives pursue full-time careers. Discuss the reasons for this change and evaluate whether this development has positive or negative implications for society.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, I have noticed that more men are choosing to stay home with children while their wives go to work full-time. This situation is becoming common in many places, and I think there are several reasons why this happens. The main reason I observe is that women nowadays have better chances to get good jobs than before. Many of my friends who are women studied inat university and gotsecured high-paying jobs, so their husbands decide to take care of the children because it makes more sense for the family money. Alsofinances. Additionally, society is changing how it thinks about men and women’s roles. When I was young, people would think it strange if the father staysed at home, but now people understand it is normal. Another thing that makes this happen is that Furthermore, many companies givenow offer better pay to employees now. If the wife makes enough money for the whole family, the husband can stay with the children instead of both parents working. This helps the family save money because they don't need to pay for expensive childcare, which I know costs very mucha lot in many places. I believe this change brings more good things than bad thingpositive outcomes than negative ones to society. FThe first reason why I think it's goodbeneficial is that children can hareceive better care when one parent is always there with them. In my experience, children feel more safer and happyier when a parent is home. AlsoMoreover, this situation showsdemonstrates to young people that men and women can doperform different jobs inroles within a family, which I think helps make societybelieve contributes to a more equal. society. However, some people might sayargue that it' is not good because men should work and earn money. ButNevertheless, I don' not agree with this thinkingperspective because what matters most is that the family is happy and the children getreceive good care. From what I see, families where the father stays home can be very happy if both parents agree with this choice. In conclusion, I strongly believe that men staying home while women work is happening because ofoccurring due to better job opportunities for women and changing views in societysocietal views. This development brings more positive effects than negative ones because it helps children getreceive better care and makes society more equalpromotes equality in society. I think this trend will continue in future years as more families choose what works best for them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the reasons for the trend of men becoming stay-at-home fathers and evaluating its implications for society. Key strengths include a clear structure with relevant examples and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of evaluation regarding negative implications and improving the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions. Structural changes made include refining transitions and correcting grammatical errors to enhance clarity and formality. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more complex grammatical structures to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is present, but there are moments where transitions could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Another thing that makes this happen' could be replaced with more formal transitions such as 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' to enhance the academic tone. Overall, the organization is clear, but slight improvements in cohesion would elevate the score.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are generally accurate, but there are some errors that affect clarity, such as 'if father stays at home' (should be 'if the father stays at home') and 'wife makes enough money for whole family' (should be 'the wife makes enough money for the whole family'). The range of grammatical structures is adequate, but more complex sentences could be employed to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. There are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'children' and 'family,' which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but the use of more sophisticated expressions and varied word choices would enhance the lexical resource score.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the reasons for the trend of men becoming stay-at-home fathers and evaluating its implications for society. The main ideas are relevant and supported by examples, such as the changing job market for women and societal perceptions of gender roles. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, particularly in the evaluation of negative implications, which is somewhat underexplored.
7.5

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