Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

'There are a number of reasons for why ex-prisoners might committing crimes again after being released. I think the main cause is the lack of support and difficulty toin reintegrating into society. Prison is thea very difficult experience, and ex-prisoners often have trouble to finding jobs, housing, and rebuilding relationships when they are out. This leads to feelings of desperateion and a tendency to turn back to crime for surviveal. Alsodditionally, many prisoners have addictions or mental health problems that are not properly treated in prison. SoTherefore, when released, they are still struggling with these issues, which makes it harder forto staying on the right path. And iIf ex-prisoners return to the same badnegative environment and influences as before prison, it is easy for them to fall back into old criminal habits. To solve this problem, I believe we need better rehabilitation programs in prisons to prepare inmates for release. Thiese programs should include job training, education, therapy, and helpassistance with housing and employment search. Aes. It is also important to have follow-up support from social workers or mentors after release, to help ex-prisoners stay on track and avoid the temptation of crime. CThe community also has a role to play in giveing second chances and not discriminateing against ex-offenders who are trying to turn lifetheir lives around. With the right kind of help and opportunityies, many ex-prisoners can become productive members of society instead of returning to crime.'
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively by identifying causes of recidivism and suggesting solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, such as providing specific examples of rehabilitation programs or statistics on recidivism rates to strengthen the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity by varying vocabulary and sentence structures. For instance, phrases like 'turn back to crime for survive' were corrected to 'turn back to crime for survival,' and 'this lead to feel desperate' was changed to 'this leads to feelings of desperation.' Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some sentences lack smooth transitions, which affects the overall flow. For example, the transition between discussing addiction and the need for rehabilitation could be improved. Using more cohesive devices would enhance clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'might committing' instead of 'might commit' and 'this lead to feel desperate' instead of 'this leads to feelings of desperation.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. A greater variety of sentence structures and improved accuracy would enhance this score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'ex-prisoner' and 'prisoner') that could be varied. Additionally, phrases like 'turn back to crime for survive' contain awkward constructions. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more precise terms would improve this score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes for recidivism among ex-prisoners and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the claims. For instance, mentioning specific rehabilitation programs or statistics on recidivism rates could strengthen the argument.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?