Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison. What do you think are the causes? How can this problem be solved?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some prisoners who are released go to doon to commit crimes again. I think there isare a few reasons why this happens and ways it can be make betterimproved. One cause is that they havinge trouble finding jobs when they leave prison. Many employers do not want to hire someone who whas been in jail before, even if they are skilled for the job. Without a way to make money legally, ex-prisoners may feel like they hasve no choice but to do illegal thingengage in illegal activities again to survivalled. Alsoe. Additionally, if all their friends are criminals too, it is easier to fall back into bad influences and old habbits. To solved this, I beliefve the government and society must givprovide more support. There should be programs that help ex-prisoners find work and housing when they are released. This can include job training, placement assistantce, and incentives for companyies to hire them. Rehabilitation programs in prison should focus on job skills and help inmates make plans for after they are free. CThe community also needs to be more accepting of giving a second chance to people who have made mistakes in the past but want to change. In conclusion, it is not surpriseing that some ex-prisoners return to crime, given the challenges they face. ButHowever, with the right resources and a mindset shift in society, many can be helped to reintegrate as productive members of the community and avoid repeat offending.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt by discussing causes of reoffending and suggesting solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in exploring the causes and solutions, as well as a more formal tone. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity through precise vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support claims about job training programs and expanding on the role of community support. The tone used is generally appropriate, but a more formal style would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like 'it easier to fall back' should be 'it's easier to fall back.' More cohesive devices could be used to link ideas more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition.'
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('they having trouble' should be 'they have trouble') and incorrect verb forms ('to survivalled' should be 'to survive'). While there is some variety in sentence structure, the frequent errors detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'survivalled' instead of 'survive' and 'accept of giving second chance' instead of 'accepting giving a second chance.' The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to enhance clarity and sophistication.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes of reoffending and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks depth in exploring the causes and solutions, and some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of job training programs could be expanded with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the tone could be more formal.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?