Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples think that children should start studying outsideforeign languages in kindergarten. I am in agreement with this view, for the following reasons which I explain below in this essay. Firstly, at younger ages, it is easier to learn a new language than later in life. Children's minds isare more open and can grasp words more fasterquickly. They memorize words very goodwell while playing or studying. In kindergarten, classes can be more fun and not so hard,less challenging, which makes it easier to learn. Alsodditionally, in many countries, childrens speaks more thean 1one language at very young ages, so we can see that it is possible to start early. Second thing is, it Another reason is that it has become a necessity to know more languages in today's world. If a person knows two or three languages, they have more opportunities in the future for jobs or travel. Kindergarten is a good age to starting exposeing children to other languages and building a foundation. Even if they do not become experts, they will still have the basics and can improves more later on. further later on. However, it is important to consider some potential drawbacks. For instance, the pressure to learn multiple languages at a young age may overwhelm some children, leading to stress and anxiety. Additionally, schools may face challenges in allocating resources effectively to support language learning for all students. In conclusion, I think learning a second language must begin as soon as possible, in kindergartens. It has more benefits thean drawbacks, in my opinion, c. Children can learn languages good iwell at an early age and it, givesing them a head start in life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion supporting early language learning, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in discussing potential disadvantages, which is critical for a balanced argument. The flow of ideas has been improved with better transitions and clearer topic sentences. Grammatical accuracy has been enhanced, addressing several subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing. The vocabulary has been varied to avoid redundancy, although further expansion of lexical resource could still be beneficial. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples to illustrate points and enhance the depth of the argument. Additionally, varying sentence structures could improve the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('child should start' should be 'children should start'), incorrect verb forms ('he have' should be 'he has'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'outside language' instead of 'foreign language' and 'child minds' instead of 'children's minds.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear opinion that supports early language learning. However, it lacks depth in discussing the disadvantages, which is a crucial part of the prompt. To improve, the writer could include specific examples of potential drawbacks, such as the pressure on children or the resource allocation in schools.
5.5

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