Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that governments should prioritize healthcare among other areas. Healthcare is the most important because it is a matter of life and death for people. If peoples are not healthy, they cannot work and contribute to society and the economy. HA healthy population is necessary for the development and progress of any country. Firstly, governments have a responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of their citizens. It is the duty of the government to provide access to quality healthcare for all people, regardless of their income or social status. GThe government should invest in building hospitals, training doctors and nurses, and providing affordable medicines and treatments. This will ensure that everyone can getreceive necessary medical care when they need it. Secondly, prioritizing healthcare can have long-term benefits for society. When peoples are healthy, they are more productive and can contribute more to the economy. Healthy children can attend school and getreceive a good education, which will help them to getsecure good jobs in the future. Healthy adults can work and earn money to support their families. This can reduce poverty and improve the overall quality of life for everyone. In conclusion, I strongly agree that governments should prioritize healthcare over other areas. It is essential for the wellbeing of citizens and the long-term development of society. GThe government should invest in healthcare infrastructure and ensure access to quality medical care for all people. This will create a healthy and productive population that can contribute to the progress and prosperity of the nation.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author's position that healthcare should be prioritized by governments. Key strengths include a clear argument structure and relevant supporting details, such as the impact of health on productivity and societal development. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and the use of appropriate vocabulary. The original essay contained several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' and 'peoples,' which have been corrected to enhance clarity. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices has been improved to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include acknowledging counterarguments or discussing other important areas that might also require attention, which would provide a more balanced perspective. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are some cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, the transitions between some sentences could be smoother, and the overall flow could be enhanced by using a wider variety of cohesive devices. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could help to connect ideas more effectively.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am agree' and 'peoples' instead of 'people.' Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall accuracy and sophistication of the writing. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate, with some effective phrases such as 'quality healthcare' and 'affordable medicines.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'healthy' and 'peoples,' which could be varied for better lexical richness. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'I am agree,' which should be 'I agree.' More sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author's position that healthcare should be prioritized by governments. It presents relevant arguments and examples to support this viewpoint, such as the impact of health on productivity and societal development. However, the essay could be improved by acknowledging counterarguments or discussing other important areas that might also require attention, which would provide a more balanced perspective.
7.0

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