Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples think a person's culture is defined by theyir country of origin. However, other people think it has only a minor aeffect. This essay will discussed both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, many people believe that the culture of a person is mostly determinate byed by the country where they were born and groew up. They argue that the traditions, customs, and beliefs of a country isare deeply ingrained in the people who live there, and this shapes theyir identity and worldview. For example, someone who grows up in India will likely be influenced by the Hindu religion and the importance of family and community. Similarly, someone from Japan will be shaped by the values of hard work, respect for elders, and harmony. These cultural influences are passed down from generation to generation and become an integral part of who we are. On the other hands, others believe that a person's culture is not solely defined by theyir country of origin. They points out that in today's globalized world, people are exposed to a wide range of cultural influences from around the world. With the internet and social media, it is easier than ever to learn about and adopt elements of other cultures. Moreover, many people move to different countryies for work or study, and may pick up new cultural practices and beliefs along the way. For instance, an Chinese student who studies in the United States may become more individualistic and independent, while also maintaining some aspects of theyir Chinese heritage. In my opinion, I believe that both factors - country of origin and exposure to other cultures - play a role in shaping a person's culture. While our upbringing and the culture we are surrounded by in our formative years certainly have a strong influence, I think it is important to recognize that culture is not static and can evolve over time. As we encounter new ideas and ways of life, we may incorporate elements of other cultures into our own identity. Ultimately, culture is complex and multi-faceted, and cannot be reduced to a single factor such as country of origin. In conclusion, while country of origin plays a significant role in shaping a person's culture, it is not the only factor. In our increasingly interconnected world, exposure to diverse cultures can also have an impact on our beliefs, values, and practices.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both views on how culture is defined and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary and cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word choice, and ensuring proper transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the range of vocabulary and incorporating more sophisticated linking phrases to improve the flow of ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the overall coherence. To improve, the writer should focus on smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('culture of a person is mostly determinate'), incorrect verb forms ('grow up' should be 'grows up'), and awkward constructions. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and misuse, such as 'they country' instead of 'their country' and 'a person culture' instead of 'a person's culture'. While some sophisticated vocabulary is present, the overall range is limited. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on how culture is defined, and it provides a clear opinion. However, there are some inaccuracies in the development of ideas, such as the use of 'affect' instead of 'effect' and 'discussed' instead of 'discuss'. To improve, the writer should ensure that all points are clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples.
6.5

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