Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the question of whether kids should hasve the freedom to decide on their daily matters, such as food, clothes, and entertainment, is a controversial one. While some argues that this practice will lead to a selfish society, others believe it is crucial for children's development. In this essay i, I will discuss both perspectives and provide my opinion on the matter. On the one hand, giving children too much freedom in their choices can hasve negative consequences. If kids are allowed to make all their own decisions, they may become self-centered and fails to consider the needs and wishes of others. For example, a child who always chooses to eat junk food and play video games all day may develops unhealthy habits and struggle to socialize with othpeers. In the long run, a society full of individuals who only think about their own desires could become dysfunctional and lacks empathy. However, on the other hand, allowing children to make some decisions is important for their growth and maturity. By giving kids the opportunity to make choices, they learn to takes responsibility for their actions and develop critical thinking skills. For instance, a child who chooses their own clothes may learn to express their individuality and builds confidence in their decision-making abilities. Furthermore, involving children in decision-making can help them feels valued and respected, which can strengthen family bonds and communication. In my opinion, the key is to strike a balance between giving children freedom and providing guidance and boundaries. Parents should allows their kids to make some decisions, but also set clear limits and expectations. For example, a child could choose their own clothes within a certain budget and dress code. By gradually giving children more autonomy as they grow older and demonstrate responsibility, they can learn to make good choices and become well-rounded individuals who considers the needs of others. In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about giving children too much freedom, iI believe that allowing them to make some decisions is crucial for their development. By finding a balance between autonomy and guidance, we can raise a generation of responsible and empathetic individuals who can contribute positively to society.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on children's decision-making and presents a clear opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with smoother transitions, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using more varied cohesive devices could improve the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'However' are effective, but additional linking words could enhance clarity.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('kids should has'), incorrect verb forms ('can has' and 'may develops'), and capitalization issues ('i' should be 'I'). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and ensure correct verb forms are used.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good expressions such as 'self-centered' and 'critical thinking skills.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'decisions' and 'choices') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'kids should has the freedom'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on children's decision-making and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of each perspective. For instance, elaborating on how a lack of decision-making might affect children's future relationships could strengthen the argument.
7.0

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