Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose. Others believe that it is merely a distraction from real life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Art has been existed in our world for a very long time. Some people thinking art is bringings purpose and meaning to our lifves, while others say it only distracts us from the real world. I will discuss about both opinions and givinge my own opinion as well. On the one hand, art can givinge our lives more meaning and purpose. When we looking at a beautiful painting or listening to a song, it can make us feel something deep inside. Art can inspire us to be creative and express ourselfves. It can also help us to understand our emotions and connecting with others. In this way, art can add richness and depth to our lifves. On the other hand, some people argue that art is just a distraction from the real world. They say that we should focus on more important things like work, family, and solving problems in society. Art can be seen as a waste of time and resources that could be used for more practical purposes. Additionally, some people may find art confusing or even offensive, which can cause tension and division. In my opinion, I believe that art can be both meaningful and a distraction, depending on how it is used. While it is important to focus on practical matters, art can also play a valuable role in our lives. It can provide a way to express ourselves, connect with others, and find beauty in the world. However, it is important to strike a balance and not let art consume all of our time and energy. In conclusion, art can bring meaning and purpose to our lives, but it can also be seen as a distraction from the real world. Ultimately, the value of art depends on how it is used and integrated into our lives. By finding a balance between practicality and creativity, we can enjoy the benefits of art without letting it overwhelm us.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on the role of art in our lives and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a coherent flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, such as incorporating specific examples of artworks or artists to support arguments. Additionally, grammatical errors and inaccuracies in vocabulary usage detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and enhancing clarity in the introduction. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include the use of a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' could help link ideas more smoothly. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of art and the counterargument could be more fluid.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('art can giving' should be 'art can give') and incorrect verb forms ('some people thinking' should be 'some people think'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'art has been exist' instead of 'art has existed.' The use of phrases like 'distract us from real world' could be improved to 'distracts us from the real world.' To enhance the score, a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices should be employed.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the role of art in our lives and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific artworks or artists could enhance the discussion. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating the main points.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?