Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion, iI believe children should be makde free to do what they want in histheir free time. There are numerous reasons why it is vital for the development of children to allow them the free time activities what they choosedom to choose their activities. iI will discuss these reasons in more detail below. Firstly, when children have the freedom to choose what they want to do in their free time, it helps them develop a sense of independence and decision-making skills. If they are always told which activities to do and are not allowed to make their own choices, they may struggle to think for themselfves and make decisiones later in life. For example, a child who is always forced to play soccer by their parents may never learn to explore other interests and hobbies. Moreover, letting children have free time allows them to relax and take a break from structured activities. Childhood can be stressful with the demands of school, homework, and extra lessons. If childrens don't have any time to just play and do what they enjoy, they risk becaoming overwhelmed and experienceing stress burnout. That is why it is crucial to give children some unstructured time each day to do what activities they like, whether that be reading, playing with friends, or just relaxation. ing. In conclusion, iI strongly believe that childrens should have the freedom to choose their free time activities. It contributes to the development of independence skill,s and allows them to relax and recharge from strucutured activities. Therefore, parents and caregivers should aim to strike a balance between organized activities and free time in children's schedules.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear viewpoint that children should have the freedom to choose their activities, which is a key strength. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support this position, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and cohesion. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a counterargument to strengthen the position and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, there are some issues with cohesion, particularly in the use of linking words and phrases. For example, transitions between sentences could be smoother. To improve, the writer could use more cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('children should be make free'), incorrect pronouns ('his' instead of 'their'), and spelling mistakes ('resons', 'decisiones', 'childrens'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'make free' instead of 'made free' and 'childrens' instead of 'children's'. The use of phrases like 'decision-making skill' is good, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more varied expressions to avoid repetition.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear viewpoint that children should have the freedom to choose their activities. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support this position. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the opposing viewpoint. For improvement, the writer could include a counterargument to strengthen their position.
6.5

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