Some people believe that economic growth is the only way to end poverty and hunger in the world. Others think that economic growth is damaging the environment and should stop. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some peoples believe economic growth aris the only solution to end poverty and hunger ofin the world. Others believes economic growth damages the environment, so it must be stopped. I will discuss both sides of the view and give my own opinion. On the one hand, economic growth can help to end poverty and hunger. When the economy of a country grows, it creates more job opportunityies for people. With more jobs available, peopleindividuals can earn more money and afford to buy food and other basic necessities. This can help to reduce poverty and hunger in the country. Additionally, economic growth can also lead to an increase in government revenue, which can be used to fund programs that help poor and hungry people, such as food banks and welfare programs. On the other hand, economic growth can also have a negative impact on the environment. As the economy grows, there is often an increase in industrial activity and consumption of resources. This can lead to air and water pollution, deforestation, and other environmental problems. Economic growth can also contribute to climate change, as increased industrial activity and transportation can lead to higher greenhouse gas emissions. Some people argue that the environmental damage caused by economic growth is not worth the benefits it provides in terms of reducing poverty and hunger. In my opinion, I believe that economic growth is necessary to end poverty and hunger, but it must be done in a sustainable way that minimizes damage to the environment. Governments should invest in clean energy and sustainable transportation to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. They should also implement regulations to reduce pollution and protect natural resources. By balancing economic growth with environmental protection, we can work towards a world where everyone has access to food and basic necessities without compromising the health of our planet.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both points of view regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the clarity of the introduction. The introduction has been revised to provide a clearer thesis statement, enhancing the focus of the essay. Additionally, grammatical errors have been corrected, and some vocabulary inaccuracies have been addressed. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more significantly and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphs discussing each viewpoint. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the linking of sentences and ideas would contribute to a more coherent argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples believe' should be 'people believe') and incorrect verb forms ('are only solution' should be 'is the only solution'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'peoples' instead of 'people' and 'opportunitys' instead of 'opportunities.' Additionally, terms like 'necesities' should be corrected to 'necessities.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both points of view regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. However, the introduction lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors, which detracts from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and presents a more structured argument. For example, a clearer thesis statement could enhance the focus of the essay.
6.0

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