Some people believe that handwriting is no longer useful in the modern world and should not be taught in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear disagreement with the idea that handwriting should not be taught in schools, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and relevant reasons supporting the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the explicitness of the position in the introduction. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the benefits of handwriting beyond exams and incorporating more varied vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For example, using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could enhance the connection between the points made. Additionally, some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects overall clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('childs brains' should be 'children's brains') and incorrect verb forms ('help' should be 'helps'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'teach' instead of 'taught' and 'importants' instead of 'important'. The use of phrases like 'great benefit' and 'vital exams' shows some range, but more varied vocabulary would enhance the essay. For example, using synonyms for 'important' or 'benefit' could improve lexical diversity.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that handwriting should not be taught in schools. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support the argument. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction, and the development of ideas could be more thorough. For instance, elaborating on the benefits of handwriting beyond exams would strengthen the argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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