"Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable" To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, people are having manyengage in various hobbies likesuch as sports, reading, or other leisure activities. Some thinks that hobbies should be difficult or challengeing to be enjoyable. I believe hobbies doesn' not need to be difficult to be enjoyable. There are several reasons for my opinion. First of all, hobbies are meant for leisure and relaxation. People need to relax and unwind from the stress and strains of day-to-day life. Most of us have demanding jobs or studies that require a lots of mental effort. After a long day at work or school, people want to do something easy and relaxing, not something difficult that requires even more mental effort. DoEngaging in a simple hobby like reading a book or watching TV can be just as enjoyable as doingparticipating in a more challaenging hobby like playing chess or learning a musical instrument. Secondly, hobbies should be somethingactivities we enjoy doing, regardless of whetheir they are difficult or noty. The enjoyment comes from the activity itself, not from how hard it is. For example, I enjoy playing video games as a hobby. Some video games are very easy and requires little skill, while others are extremely difficult and challenging. But I enjoy playHowever, I fingd both types of games equally, enjoyable because I find the activity itself enjoyableis what matters, regardless of the difficulty levels. Finally, difficult hobbies can sometimes be frustrating and discouraging, especially for beginners. If someone takes up a challenging hobby like playing a musical instrument, they may find it too difficult and give up quickly. On the other handConversely, starting with a simpler hobby can be more encouraging and motivating. As people gain more skills and confidence, they can gradually move on to more challenging hobbies if they want to.ish. In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. Hobbies are meant for relaxation and enjoyment, and this can comestem from both easy and difficult activities. The enjoyment comes from the activity itself, not from how challenging it is. Difficult hobbies can sometimes be frustrating, so it's better to start with simpler hobbies and gradually move upprogress to more challenging ones if desired.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position against the idea that hobbies must be difficult to be enjoyable. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant reasons supporting the viewpoint. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and word choice. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced for smoother transitions between ideas, and a wider range of vocabulary could be employed to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving cohesion with varied linking phrases, and enhancing clarity in some sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating more specific examples or personal anecdotes to deepen the discussion and using synonyms to enrich the vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point that supports the main argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance overall clarity. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'secondly' are effective, but more varied linking words could enhance cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that detract from clarity. For instance, 'Some thinks' should be 'Some think,' and 'a lots of' should be 'a lot of.' These errors, while not severely impacting comprehension, indicate a need for greater accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the overall grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some variety in word choice. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'difficult' and 'enjoyable' multiple times. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary to demonstrate a wider lexical range. For example, instead of 'difficult,' alternatives like 'challenging' or 'arduous' could be used.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position against the notion that hobbies must be difficult to be enjoyable. The writer provides relevant reasons and examples to support their viewpoint. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or personal anecdotes to enhance the depth of the discussion.
7.5

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