Some people believe that individuals over the age of 65 should not be permitted to vote in elections. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint? Explain your position and provide relevant examples to support it.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I do not agree with the viewpoint that older people over 65 years old should not have permission to vote. In my view, every person who is a citizens, no matter their age, haves the right to participate in the democratic process. This is because they have many years of experience and knowingsledge about the world and society, which can be valueable for makeing decisions that affect everyone. One reason I think this is because many older peoples have a lot of wisedom and perspectives that they gain from living for a long time. They knowing about the history and how things have changed over many years. This kind of knowingsledge is important to consider when voting on leaders and policies that will shape the future. Just because someone is old, it don'es not mean their opinions isdo not matter. In fact, their insight can provide a balanced and informed view when it cominges to making choices in elections. Furthermore, not letallowing older people to vote would be discrimination based on age. In most countries, it is consideringed a basic human right for all adult citizens to have a say in the governing process. Excludeing a group just because of their age is not fair or equal treatment. It would be like saying their voices and needs don' not count, which is not the right thing in a democratic societys. Of course, some might arguinge that very old people may have a decline in mental ability or health issues whichthat affect their judgement. However, this can happen to peoples of any ages, not just the eldersly. The solution is not to take away the votevoting rights completely, but maybeperhaps to have a way of evaluating if someone is of sound mind to make decisions. Most people over 65 are still capable tof understanding political issues and makeing rationale choice. s. In conclusion, while I understanding the concerns, I strongly believe every citizen haves the rights to vote, regardless of age. The experience and wiseness ofdom of the older generation isare valuable to society, and they deserves to have their say in elections like anyone else. It is a matter of equality and respect for all peoples in democracies. The key is finding a fair way to ensure all voters are of ablesound mind to make choices, rather than discriminateing based on age alone.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument against the restriction of voting rights for individuals over 65, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a well-defined position and relevant reasons supporting the argument, such as the experience and wisdom of older individuals. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word forms, and enhancing transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of older voters positively influencing elections or policies, as well as varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a respectful and reasoned approach throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'In conclusion' are used, but more varied linking words would enhance coherence. To improve, the writer could use more cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('it don't mean their opinions is not matter'), incorrect verb forms ('they knowing'), and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequency of errors detracts from clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and review basic sentence structures to avoid common mistakes.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'knowings,' 'wisedom,' and 'valueable.' Additionally, some phrases are incorrectly formed, such as 'not agree' instead of 'do not agree.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure that word forms are correct. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary would also enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the viewpoint that individuals over 65 should not vote. It provides reasons and examples to support this stance, such as the experience and wisdom of older individuals. However, the argument could be more developed with additional examples or counterarguments to strengthen the position. For improvement, the writer could include specific examples of how older voters have positively influenced elections or policies.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."