Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many people have discussions about ifwhether important information should be shared or keepedpt secret. This is a complicatinged issue with valid arguments ofn both sides. On the one hand, freely sharing of knowledges can have muchany benefits for society. In scientifice fields, when researchers share theyir data and findingses openly, it allowings others to verify and build on theire work, thatereby accelerating the pace of discovery. In academicsa, sharing educational materials can help more students to accesss high-quality learning resourceses, regardless of theire circumstances. And inFurthermore, in the business world, transparentingcy about practisces and performansce can building public trust and confidenced. SoThus, sharing informations can drivinge progress and improves lifves for many people. But On the other hand, there are also situations where keeping informations private may be necessary. For examples, companies may need to protectings trade secrets to remain competitingve in the marketplace. Government agencies may must to safeguard sensitive informations related to national secureties. Andity. Additionally, individuals have the rights to privacy over theire personal information. In these cases, the potenstial harm of shared information outweights the benefits. In my opinion, the best approach is to find a balance between openness and privacy. DWe should default to transparensedcy and shareding, but allow for exceptions when there is a legitimate need for confidensedtiality. This way, we can unlock the power of shared knowledges while still protecting important interests. ButHowever, exactly where to draw the line will depend on the specific context. In conclusions, there are valid reasons to shared information freely and also sometimes to restrict access. I believe in a nuancinged view - share by defaults but with carefull exceptions when needed. As technologiesy advances and our world becomes more interconnected, navigating this balance will be an ongoing challenge for individuals, organizastions, and society as a whole.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a clear conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary usage, and the depth of argumentation. The writer should focus on correcting grammatical errors, using varied vocabulary, and providing more specific examples to enhance the discussion. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and refining vocabulary for clarity. Further improvements could involve expanding on the implications of sharing information in different contexts and incorporating more sophisticated linking phrases. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. To improve coherence, the writer could use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the connection between ideas, such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'conversely.'
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures (e.g., 'keeping informations private may be necesary'). These errors affect clarity and readability. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and repetitive language (e.g., 'informations,' 'knowledges,' 'shared'). The writer attempts to use some sophisticated vocabulary, but errors detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on using accurate word forms and expanding their vocabulary range to avoid repetition.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the sharing of information and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer explanations of the arguments. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the implications of sharing information in different contexts, providing more depth to the discussion.
6.5

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