Some people believe that mental health should be given the same importance as physical health in healthcare systems and workplace policies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, many people have started to talk about mental health more openly. I strongly agree that mental health deserves the same attention likeas physical health, because they both affect the quality of life and productivity of people.individuals. First of all, mental health problems can impact a person's daily activities samejust as physical illnesses do. When I was studying at university, I noticed how stress and anxiety makde it difficult for many students to concentrate on their studies. Some of my friends who had depression, they could not attend classes regularly, similar to those who had physical sickillnesses. This shows that mental health conditions are equally serious and need proper treatment. Moreover, good mental health is very important for work performance and the economy. Many workers who suffer from mental health issues, they cannot work efficiently and sometimes need to take long breaks from their jobs. I read an article about how companies whothat provide mental health support to employees, they see better results in productivity. If we invest in mental health care in the same way as physical health care, it will benefit both individuals and society. Furthermore, mental and physical health are closely connected very closely. When someone has mental health problems for a long time, it can lead to physical symptoms like headaches or sleeping problems. Similarly, chronic physical illnesses often cause anxiety and depression. This showillustrates that both types of health need equal attention from healthcare systems. In conclusion, I strongly believe mental health should receive the same importance as physical health. The impact of mental health on daily life, work productivity, and its connection to physical well-being make it crucial to provide equal support and treatment options. If society recognizes this importance, it will help create a better healthcare system for everyone.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that mental health should be given equal importance to physical health. Key strengths include relevant arguments supported by personal examples, which enhance the discussion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include explicitly acknowledging counterarguments to provide a more nuanced exploration of the topic. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to overall coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'moreover' are used, but additional linking words could enhance the flow.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'mental health deserve same attention like physical health' and 'this show that mental health conditions are equally serious.' These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'impact on daily life' and 'work performance.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'mental health' and 'physical health' without variation. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that mental health should be given equal importance to physical health. The arguments are relevant and well-developed, with personal examples that enhance the discussion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments or a more nuanced exploration of the topic to reach a higher score.
7.5

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