Some people believe that news media is more influential today than ever before, while others think its impact on society is declining. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In these dayrecent times, some peoples are thinking believe that news medias have become more influenctial than before in past times. However, other people believesin the past. However, others argue that the affeimpact of news media ton society is goign downdeclining. In my oppinion, I agree with the first view more because news medias still have bigold significant power, even more thean before. On the one hand, some argue that the influence of news media impact is reducing nowadays. They say this because peoples can getobtain informations from many other ways liksources, such as the internet and socieal media, so they don not have to rely tosolely on news media only. Also,. Additionally, the problem of fake news problemhas makde people notless trusting of news media as much as beforethan in the past. This view haves some merit, but I disagree overal. l. On the other hand, I beliefve that news media isare more influential thean ever before. Firstly, even though there are many other sources of informations, most people still getreceive the majority of their news from traditieonal news media like TV, radio, and newspapers. Secondly, news media have expanded to new platforms like the internet and mobile phones, so they canallowing them to reach a much more peopllarger audience thean before. Thirdly, news media can shape public oppinion and influence government policy more thean ever because ofdue to their wide reach and the trust they have from the public. In conclusion, while there are reasonable arguments on both sides, I beliefve that news media isare more influential today thean at any time before. They stillremain the main source of informations for most peoples and have more ways to reach and influence the public thean in the past. Governments and society must recognize the power of news media in the modern world.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on the influence of news media and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs and a clear stance on the issue. However, critical areas for improvement include the development of arguments with specific examples, enhancing coherence through better transitions, and correcting grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing concrete examples or statistics to support claims about the influence of news media. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples are thinking', 'other people believes') and incorrect verb forms ('is goign down', 'have expand'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from overall clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and practice using varied sentence structures correctly.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'influencial', 'sociel', 'oppinion') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'news media', 'informations'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling, as well as avoiding repetition by using synonyms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the influence of news media and provides a clear opinion. However, the arguments could be more developed and supported with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on how news media influences public opinion with concrete instances or statistics.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."