Some people believe that old people should take part in sport to stay healthy. Others think there are better ways for old people to stay healthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is a common believef that in order to mainteain good health, eolder people need to doengage in some kind of physical actibvity. While there are many who agree with this point, some others thinks that sport iss are not the best solution for older people to stay healthy. This essay will discuss both views, and iI will also give my opinion. On one hand, participating in sports can help seniors improve theyir physical condition and socialize with another people. Firstly, doing regular exercizse like jogging, swimming, or playing tennis can help the improve theyir cardiovascular health, strenghthen their muscles and bones, and reduce the risk of chronick diseases. By phiysically challenging bodytheir bodies, eolder people can mainteain theyir mobility and independence as they age. sSecondly, partiscipating in team sports or group activities provides opportunities for socializing and building relationships with others, which can have a positive impact on mental well-being and reduce feelings of isolation and lonely. iness. On the another hand, some peoples argue that there isare better ways for older people to stay healthy than dto engage in sports. For one thing, as people get eolder, their bodies become fmore fragile and prone to injuryies, so intense physical activities may not be suitable. Instead, gentler forms of exercise such as walking, tai chi, or stretching may be more appropriate and safer. Additionally, maintaining a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in mentally stimulating activities like reading, puzzles, or learning new skills can also contribute into the overall health and well-being of older adults. In my opinion, iI believe that a combination of moderate fiphysical activity and leading a healthy lifestyle is the best approach for older people to maintain theyir health. While sports can certainly provide numerous benefits, it is importeant to take into account individual needs, preferences, and limitations. In conclusion, engaging in sports can have a positive impact on fithe physical and mental health of olders people, but it is not the only way to stay healthy. EThe elderly should find activities that they enjoy and can participate in safely, whether it be sports or other forms of exercise, while also paying attention to other aspects of healthy living like diet, sleep, and mental stimulation.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on whether older people should participate in sports to stay healthy, and it presents a clear opinion in the conclusion. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a relevant conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples and clearer arguments to strengthen the discussion. The use of cohesive devices was improved, but further variety in linking words could enhance coherence. Additionally, spelling errors and repetitive phrases were corrected, and grammatical accuracy was improved. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific studies or statistics about the benefits of sports for the elderly and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and occasionally awkward. For example, phrases like 'on the another hand' should be corrected to 'on the other hand.' Improving the flow between ideas with more varied linking words would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors in sentence structure and verb forms (e.g., 'some others thinks,' 'the improve they cardiovascular health'). These mistakes affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical errors and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'comon,' 'manten,' 'actibity') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'old people,' 'elder people'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on whether older people should participate in sports to stay healthy. It presents a clear opinion in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas could be improved with more specific examples and clearer arguments. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics about the benefits of sports for the elderly could strengthen the argument.
6.0

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