Some people believe that pop stars deserve more money than classical music performers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, there are many people who thinking that pop stars must be payid more money than muzsicians of classical music. IOn the other hand, some peoples are do not agree with that idea. I will discuss both thisof these views and give minesy opinion. Firstly, pop stars isare more famouser than classical mucissicians. Theyir songs and video get sos receive many viewed is on YoutTube and other places onlineonline platforms. Their faces appear on magazines covers and TV shows. Because of that, pop stars make a lot of money for record companyies. They deservse to receive a bigger portion of these earnings. Without pop starts, record compannies willould earn less money. SoTherefore, it is natureal and faire that pop stars get payid more. On On the other side, classical music is verymuch more difficulter to perform. Pop music haves a simple rhythmn and can use autotune, but classical music requires a very high level of skill. Classical musiscians must practisce for many hours a day to be the best at theire instruments. The music is also more complicated and takes longer to compose compared to pop songs. Classical music haves withstood the teste of time, while pop song iss are often forgotten after a few months. This is why many thinkingbelieve that classical performers should be payid more, despite not having samthe fsame levels of fame as pop star. s. In miney opinion, both pop stars and classical mucissicians work hard and bring value in different ways. Pop music brings happyiness and fun to many people's lifeves. Classical music elevates the soule and preserves cultureal heritage. I believe pay should be based on indidivvidual talent and dedicastion, not only on genre or fame. Some pop stars probably do deseserve more money than the average classical performer, but a top classical soloist should also earn more than the average pop singer. In conclusion, while there isare arguements for both sides, I think it is wrong to generalize based on genre alone. Pay should depend on individual skill and contribution, whether they are pop stars or classical mucissicians.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views regarding the payment of pop stars and classical musicians. Key strengths include a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more developed arguments and specific examples to support points made. The essay also contained numerous spelling and grammatical errors that hindered clarity. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrasing and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and enhancing the range of vocabulary used. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'pop stars is more famouser'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for grammatical accuracy and practicing complex sentence structures.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'muzician', 'clasical', 'famouser', 'deservs') and some repetitive phrases. The writer could improve their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. For example, instead of 'pop star', they could use 'popular music artists' or 'contemporary musicians'.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the payment of pop stars and classical musicians. However, the arguments are somewhat underdeveloped and lack depth. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support their points, and ensure that their opinion is clearly articulated throughout the essay.
5.0

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