Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Agree or disagree

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In these days, the social sites like a Facebook or Twitter have become the highly popular. There isare different opinions about doeswhether social websmedia haves a negative aeffect ton young people and their relationships or not. I am. I agree that social media haves both positive and negative influencing toes on youth. On one hand, social media sites allow people to connect with others and keep in touch, even if they live far away. For example, Facebook lets me to communicate towith my cousin whicho is living in another country. Alsodditionally, social websites can help young people to find the friends with the same interests and hobbies. Moreover, young people can learn new things and getobtain information from the social media. On the other hand, spending too much time on social sites can lead to addiction and social isolation. Young people may spend too many hours on Facebook or Twitter instead of interacting with real peoples in real life. AdditionallyFurthermore, social media can be a platform for cyberbullying and online harassment, which can have the negatively impact on young people's mental healths. Young people may also compare themselfves to others on social websites, which can leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. In conclusion, social media sites have both advantages and disadveanturages for young people. While they can help youth to connect with others and learn new things, they can also lead to addiction, isolation, and negative impacts on mental health. It is important for young personsople to use social media in moderation and be aware of potentials risks.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of social media on young people. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each argument and a relevant conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the clarity of the writer's position, which could be more explicitly stated in the introduction, and the need for smoother transitions between ideas. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and incorrect word choices that need to be addressed. Grammatical accuracy is another area that requires attention, as several errors were present in the original essay. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word choice, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples to support the arguments and varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each side of the argument. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase 'On one hand' could be followed by a more explicit transition to the counterargument. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('social media have' should be 'social media has') and incorrect verb forms ('let me to communicate' should be 'lets me communicate'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'spending to much time' instead of 'spending too much time.' While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and range would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'social sites' and 'social webs.' Additionally, some word choices are incorrect, such as 'affect' instead of 'effect' and 'intrests' instead of 'interests.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the impact of social media on young people. However, the position could be clearer, as the writer states agreement with both positive and negative influences without a strong stance. To improve, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction and develop it throughout the essay with more specific examples.
6.5

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