Some people believe that students should not be allowed smartphones in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that students should not have smartphones in school. There are many reasons for why I think like this, and I will explain them in the following paragraphs. Firstly, smartphones can be very distracting for students during lessons. If they are allowed to use their phones in class, they may be tempted to check social media or play games instead of paying attention to the teacher. This can lead to poor performance in school and lower grades. Additionally, it can be disruptive for other students who are trying to focus on the lesson. Secondly, smartphones can be used for cheating during exams or tests. Students can easily access information online or communicate with others to get answers. This is unfair to studentsthose who study hard and do not cheat. It also, and it undermines the integrity of the education system. Schools have a responsibility to prevent cheating and ensure that all students are evaluated fairly. Finally, allowing smartphones in school can have negative effects on students' social skills and mental health. Students may spend more time on their phones instead of interacting with their peers face-to-face. This, which can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Moreover, excessive use of smartphones has been linked to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues in young people. In conclusion, I strongly believe that students should not be allowed to use smartphones in school. The benefits of banning phones outweigh any potential drawbacks. Schools should prioritize creating a learning environment that is free from distractions and conducive to academic success and personal growth.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position against the use of smartphones in schools. Key strengths include a well-structured argument with relevant points and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several errors that affected clarity, and the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and enhancing cohesion by refining transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or data to support claims and acknowledging potential benefits of smartphones in education. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced; for instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' are effective, but more varied linking words could improve cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' (should be 'I agree') and 'smartphone can be' (should be 'smartphones can be'). These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'disruptive,' 'integrity of the education system,' and 'negative effects on students' social skills.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'students' and 'smartphones.' To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position against the use of smartphones in schools. The reasons provided are relevant and well-developed, although the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or data to support the claims. To improve, the writer could include counterarguments or acknowledge potential benefits of smartphones in education.
7.5

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