Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, peoples have different opinions about whether studying at university is the best way to succeed in a carrieer or if it is better to find a job immediately after finishing school. Both ways of thinking have their own advantages and disadvantages. In this essay i, I will discuss both sides of the view and give my opinion at the end. From On one sidehand, studyiing at university or college can provide a person with the necessary knowledges and skills for a future career. Universities usually have experienced teachers, who can give students valuable informations and advices. Moreover, having a university diploma can impress empoloyers and increase the chances of getting a good job with a high salary. Many professions, such as doctors or engineers, require a university degree. HoweverFor instance, a medical professional must have extensive training and education to ensure they can provide quality care. On the other hand, other peoples argue that it is better to start working right after finishing school. They believe that practical experience is more important than the academic knowledge gained from university. By starting work early, young people can learn important skills, such as communication and teamwork, which cannot be learned from books. In addition, they can start earning money earlier and become financially independent, rather than relying on parents or takeing out student loans. For example, an apprentice in a trade can gain hands-on experience that is invaluable in their field. In my opinion, whether to study at university or start working after school depends on individual circumstances and career goals. For those who want to pursue professions that require a university degree, studying at university is necessary. However, for others who want to start their own business or work in fields that do not require a degree, starting work early may be the better choice. In the concludesion, both studying at university and starting work after school have their advantages and disadvantages. The decision of which path to choose should be based on a person's interests, abilities, and career goals. Whatever decision is made, it is important to engage in continuous learning and developing skills throughout life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on the topic and providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing vocabulary to avoid repetition, and providing more specific examples to support arguments. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrasing, ensuring proper subject-verb agreement, and improving the flow with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied linking words and expanding on specific skills gained from work experience. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like 'both way of think' should be corrected to 'both ways of thinking' for better clarity. More varied linking words could improve the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'studiing', 'cannot learn'). These errors affect the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'peoples', 'opnions', 'carrier', 'informations', 'empolyers') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, some phrases are repetitive, such as 'advantage and disadvantage'. To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary to express similar ideas.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the topic and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific skills gained from work experience or particular fields that benefit from a university education would enhance the response.
6.5

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