Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that they have led to increased stress and disconnectedness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Technology has changed a lot how we live in recent years. Some people think these changes have made our lifeves simple and convenient, while another's say ithey have caused stress and makde us more separated. In my opinion, even if technologies have some negative effects, the positive ones are more greater. On one hand, technologies have indeed simplified ours lives in many ways. For example, with the internet and phones, we can communicated instantly with people anywhere in the world. We don't need to wait days or weeks for a letter like in the past. Shopping and banking can also be done online, which saves a lot of time and effort. Household applieances like washing machines and dishwashers have also made daily chores easier and faster. However, some peoples argue that technology also haves downsides. One issue is that constant connectedness can lead to more stress, as we feel pressure to always be available and responsive. SFurthermore, social media can also make us feel more lonely and isolated, as we spend less time interracting face to face. Additionally, reliance on technology can result in us losing important skills like navigation and mental math. In my view, even though there isare some valid concerns, overall technologies have improved our lives a lotsignificantly. The convenience and efficiency they provide isare huge benefits. And wWhile it's importeant to be mindful of potential negative effects, I believe that with balance and moderation, we can enjoy the advanteages of technology with very little of thefew drawbacks. In conclusion, I believe that thechnologis positive effects of technology greatly outwayeigh the negative ones. They have made our lifves easier and more convenient in countless ways. While we should be aware of issues like stress and disconnection, with care and balance, I think we can harness the power of technology for good.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the positive and negative effects of technology. Key strengths include a well-defined opinion and relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and correcting spelling mistakes. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, improving transitions between paragraphs, and ensuring proper spelling throughout. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific negative effects with more detailed examples and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance lexical variety. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt, which affects overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied. To improve, the writer should use more linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to enhance the flow of the argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'technologie have' instead of 'technologies have') and awkward constructions (e.g., 'result us losing'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as proofreading for grammatical accuracy.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'changd', 'convenint', 'positve', 'appliences', 'importent', 'advanteges') that detract from the overall quality. The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary but could benefit from using more sophisticated terms and avoiding repetition. For improvement, the writer should proofread for spelling and consider using synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on technological advancements and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer structure. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the negative effects with more detailed examples and provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key points.
6.5

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