Some people believe that technology is making people less creative. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument regarding technology's impact on creativity. Key strengths of the essay include a clear attempt to address the prompt and the inclusion of relevant examples, which helps to illustrate the points made. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality. The flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices and linking phrases. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structures, and enhancing coherence by adding necessary linking words. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of how technology enhances creativity and elaborating on the points made to ensure a more balanced view. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('technology make peoples'), incorrect word forms ('creativity' instead of 'creative'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and reduce the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'technology', 'creativity', 'people') and some awkward phrases (e.g., 'make peoples to be less creativity'). The writer could improve by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, using more precise terms would enhance the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding technology's impact on creativity. However, the argument is not fully developed, and some points lack clarity and depth. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on how technology can enhance creativity, ensuring a balanced view.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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