Some people believe that the government should fund the arts, while others argue that funding should come from private sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this essays, I will discuss about the funding of the arts. Some people think the government should provide money tofor the arts, butwhile other peopls believe thinkat art should be funded by private sources. I will discuss both sides of this argument and give my opinion at the end. On the one hand, many people believe that governments hasve a responsibility to support the arts. They argue that art is an important part of our culture and heritage, and that it should be accessible to everyone, not just those who can afford it. Government funding can help to ensure that there are opportunities for artists to create and share their work, and that the public has access to a wide range of artistic experiences. Additionally, investing in the arts can also have economic benefits, as it can attract tourism and create jobs. For example, government grants for local art festivals can boost community engagement and economic activity. On the other hand, there are also compelling arguments for why art fundings should come from private sources. Some people argue that art is a personal expression and that it should not be subject to government control or censorship. Private funding can allow for greater creative freedom and experimentation, as artists are not beholden to the whims of politicians or bureaucrats. Moreover, relying on private funding can also encourages innovation and competition in the arts, as organizations must work harder to attract donors and audiences. For instance, private art galleries often showcase avant-garde works that may not receive government support. In conclusion, while there are valid arguments on both sides of this debate, I believe that a combination of government and private funding is the best approach. Governments funding can provide a stable base of support for the arts, while private funding can allow for greater flexibility and innovation. By working together, we can ensure that the arts continue to thrive and enrich our society for generations to come.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on the funding of the arts and presents a clear opinion at the end. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, particularly through specific examples, and the reduction of spelling and grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical issues, enhancing coherence with smoother transitions, and adding specific examples to support arguments. Further improvements could involve varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more sophisticated linking words. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. More varied linking words would enhance coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('governments has'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence constructions. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'sorces', 'everyon', 'aford', 'subect', 'acces', 'fundings', 'suport', 'attract') that detract from the overall quality. While some sophisticated vocabulary is present, the repetition of certain phrases (e.g., 'funding', 'art') could be reduced by using synonyms or paraphrasing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the funding of the arts and presents a clear opinion at the end. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific government programs or private initiatives could strengthen the discussion.
6.5

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