Some people believe that the modern school system is ineffective and needs to be changed, while others think it is still the best way to educate children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the last few years, there has been a debate on the effectiveness of the modern school system. Some peoples are believeing that this system is not more longer usefull and needs to change, while another peoples ares thinking that it is still most betterthe best way forto educatinge childrens. In my opinion, i amI agree with the second view, and iI will explain why. On one hand, critisizers ofcs of the modern school system are sayinggue that it is outdated and not preparing students tofor the real world. They argueclaim that the curricculum is too much focused on theory and memorizsing facts instead of practical skills and cryitical thinking. Moreover, they claimmingassert that the one-size-fits-all approach to education is not effectualive because every child has different needs and learning styles. On the other hand, supporters of the modern school system are believeing that it is still the most effective way to educate childrens. They point out that schools are provideing a structured learning environment and access to qualified teachers and resoursces. Furthermore, they argue that modern schools are adaapting to changing times by yincorporating technologiy and new teaching methods. For instance, many schools now offer coding classes and project-based learning, which help students develop practical skills. In my opinion, while the modern school system is not perfect, it is stillremains the bestest option for educateing childrens. Schools are oferingoffer a compreehensive education that covers a wide range of subjects and skills. Additionally, schools arethey provideing important social and emotional support for students. However, i amI believinge that schools should continue to evolve and improve to meet the changing needs of students and society. In conclushion, while there are valid critiscisms of the modern school system, i amI believinge that it is still the most effectualive way to educate childrens. Schools are offering a structured learning environment, access to qualified teachers and resoursces, and important social and emotional support. HowNevertheless, schools must continue to adapt and improve to meet the changeing needs of students and sosciety.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on the effectiveness of the modern school system and presenting a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, lexical resource, and the development of ideas with specific examples. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and adding a specific example to enhance the argument in favour of modern schools. Further improvements could involve incorporating more detailed examples and varying sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. To improve coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples are believeing'), incorrect verb forms ('are provideing'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains several errors, such as 'believeing,' 'usefull,' and 'critisisms.' There is some repetition of words like 'children' and 'schools.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word forms, such as 'effective' instead of 'efectual' and 'children' instead of 'childrens.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the effectiveness of the modern school system and presents a clear opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For improvement, the writer could include concrete examples of how modern schools adapt to changing needs or specific skills that are lacking in the current curriculum.
6.0

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