Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear position against paying taxes and attempts to develop this viewpoint with reasons. Key strengths include a clear stance and a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the depth of arguments, coherence, and grammatical accuracy. The revised version addresses spelling errors, grammatical issues, and enhances coherence by improving transitions and clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an argumentative essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('I am agree'), incorrect verb forms ('shold belongs'), and awkward constructions ('kept all the money for himself'). These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and proofreading for mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'money,' 'peoples,' 'government'). Additionally, there are spelling errors (e.g., 'thier,' 'goverment,' 'beleive') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay presents a clear position against paying taxes and attempts to develop this viewpoint with reasons. However, the arguments lack depth and specific examples to support the claims. To improve, the writer could include statistics or real-life examples of how tax money is misused or how individuals benefit from keeping their earnings.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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