Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, some people are choose to not to eat any meat andor fish. They thinks that this dietary habit is more healfthier for themselfs,ves and can also can have many beniefits for the world. I will discuss about this view and give my opinion. Firstly, for the health of peopleregarding people's health, not eating meat or fish can be betterneficial. Meats and fish contains a lot of fats and calrories, which eating too much is not good, if consumed excessively, are not good for health. If people eat more vegietables and fruits instead of meat, they will getobtain more vitamins and mineruals that isare important for the body. Vegietables also have low calories too so it, which helps people lose weights and avoid obestity. That is why some people beleieve that no-meat diets isare better. Secondly, if peoples do not eat meat and fish, its can also can beniefits the world. The lifvestock industry makeproduces a lot of puollution and greenhouse gases. It needrequires a large area of land for the animals. If lessfewer people eating theseconsume these products, the industry will be smaller andshrink, causeing less damage to the environment. Andditionally, the lands can be used to plant more trees or crops, which is good things too. also a positive outcome. In conclusion, iI agree with the view that no meat or fish diets hasve beniefits for both health and the world. It isThey are healthier because they include more vegietables and less fats. And itFurthermore, they reduce the pollution to enviornment from the lifvestock industry. Of course, meats still havecontains some nutrients that isare hard to getobtain from vegietables, so not eating any at all may be a little extreme. ButHowever, in general, eating less meat and more vegietables is a good choice, i thinkn my opinion.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of a meat-free diet, addressing both health and environmental benefits. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the development of ideas. The revised version corrects spelling errors, improves grammatical structures, and enhances coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include providing specific examples of nutrients found in meat and expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For instance, the transition from health benefits to environmental impacts could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('some people are choose'), incorrect verb forms ('thinks', 'help'), and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequent errors detract from clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures more effectively.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'healfier', 'benifits', 'vegitable'). While some appropriate terms are used, the repetition of words like 'meat' and 'fish' could be avoided by using synonyms. To improve, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, which would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the health benefits of a meat-free diet and its positive impact on the environment. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the conclusion lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, such as discussing specific nutrients found in meat that are beneficial.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?