Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position on the topic and relevant examples that support the argument. The logical structure and smooth flow of ideas contribute to its coherence. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as the need for more varied linking phrases and a broader range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The structural changes made include the addition of specific examples of education and awareness campaigns to enhance task achievement and the use of synonyms to improve lexical resource. Further improvements could involve incorporating more diverse sentence structures to enhance grammatical range and sophistication. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'On the one hand' and 'However.' To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are no significant errors that impede understanding. Minor improvements could be made in sentence variety to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'legal requirement' and 'culture of recycling.' However, there is some repetition of words such as 'recycling' and 'laws.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position on the necessity of laws for increasing recycling rates. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the success of recycling laws in Germany and Japan. To improve further, the writer could provide more specific examples of education and awareness campaigns that have been successful.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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