Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the medias are very interested toin celebrities' private lives. They always want to know what celebrities are doing in their free time and who they are meeting with. I agree that the media should not share celebrities' private lifves openly because it is not fair to them and can cause many problems. Firstly, celebrities are also humans like us, and they also need privacy. They work hard to entertain people and make them happy, but that does not mean they do not deserve to have a private life. If the media always follow them and take pictures of their private moments, it can be very stressful and uncomfortable for celebrities. They will feel like they are always being watched and cannot relax even in their own home. s. Secondly, openly sharing celebrity'sies' private lives can cause many problems for them. For example, if a celebrity is going through a difficult time in their personal life, like a divorce or a health issue, and the media share this information with everyone, it can make the situation worse for the celebrity. They may feel embarrassed or ashamed, and it can affect their mental health. Additionally, sometimes the media can misinterpret or exaggerate things about celebrity'sies' private lives, which can damage their reputation and career. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. Celebrities have the right to privacy, and the media should respect that. They should focus on reporting celebrity'sies' work and achievements instead of their personal lives. This will not only protect celebrities but also provide more meaningful information to the public.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position against the media sharing celebrities' private lives. Key strengths include a logical flow of ideas and relevant examples that illustrate the stress on celebrities and the potential for misinterpretation by the media. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in pluralization and possessive forms, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Further improvements could involve incorporating more varied examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of media intrusion. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and respectful stance towards the subject matter.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear point, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'firstly' and 'secondly.' However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the overall structure could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'the medias' instead of 'the media' and 'celebrities private lifes' instead of 'celebrities' private lives.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with phrases like 'private lives,' 'mental health,' and 'reputation.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'celebrities' and 'media,' which could be varied. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'the medias are very interested to celebrities private lives,' which could be improved for clarity and accuracy.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position against the media sharing celebrities' private lives. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the stress on celebrities and the potential for misinterpretation by the media. However, the argument could be strengthened with more varied examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of media intrusion.
7.5

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