Some people find it beneficial to send young children to nursery school before they go to primary school, while others think it is good to keep children at home with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the question of whether it is better to send small childrens to nursery school before primary school or keep them at home with family is a contraoversial topic. There isare arguments on both sides, but iI will discuss them and give my opinion. On one hand, some peoples believe that nursery school iat an early age is very advantageous. It helps kids develop social skills, interact, and play with other kids. Alsochildren. Additionally, it provides a structured environment for learning, liksuch as the alphabet, numbers, and following rules. Furthermore, it can be convenient for parents who work and need childcare during the day. However, the other side thinks that keeping young children at home with family haves benefits too. Firstly, kids need lots of love and attention from parents in their early years, as it helps them feel secure. FThe family bond is an important foundation. Secondly, kids learn many things naturally at home like, such as talking, share,ing, and good behaviour from parents and siblings every day. NThere is no need for formal teaching yet. Lastly, some parents prefere to be the main influence and want to control what their children are exposed to at a young age. In conclusion, iI believe it depends on the family situation and the child's personaleity. Some kids thrive in nursery school with friends and activityies, while others do better with more individual attention at home. Parents should decide what is best, maybeperhaps combineing both with part-time nursery. The key is finding a balance that helps each child grow and develop in their own way.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views on sending children to nursery school versus keeping them at home. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a relevant conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more fully developed arguments with specific examples, better use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions, and attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary variety. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word forms, and enhancing clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or studies to support the arguments and varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'On one hand' and 'However' are used, but more varied linking words could improve the flow. Additionally, some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'some peoples believe'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'it help', 'it depend'), and punctuation issues. These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors (e.g., 'childrens', 'conveniet', 'structred', 'learing', 'attenton', 'prefer'). While there are some good word choices, such as 'advantageous' and 'foundation', the repetition of simple terms like 'kids' and 'home' could be improved by using synonyms or more varied expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on sending children to nursery school versus keeping them at home. However, the arguments could be more fully developed with specific examples to strengthen the points made. For instance, citing studies on social development in nursery settings or the impact of parental involvement could enhance the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be clearer in summarizing the main points.
6.5

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