Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues, while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the today's world, many peoples have different views about the spending their free time. Some of them likes to spend theire leaisure time with coworkers, but on the other hand, others want to sepearate their priveate life from their job. In this eassay, I will discuss both sides of this topic and give my opeinion. First of all, spending time with colleagues outside of work can hasve some benefits. It can help to build the stronger realationships and improove communication among team members. When peoples spend time together in a more relaxed environment, they can get to know each other better and develop a sencse of camaraderie. This can lead to the better collaboration and productivity in the workplace. For instance, team-building activities outside of work can foster trust and enhance teamwork. However, there are also valid reasons for keeping work and personal life separate. Some people beliefve that it is important to have the clear boundearies between their professional and private lives. They may feel that spending too much time with coworkers outside of work can blur these lines and lead to awkward or uncomfrortable situations. Additionally, some people simply prefer to keep their personal life private and do not want to share detailzs with their colleagues. On the contrary, maintaining a distinct separation can help individuals recharge and focus on their personal interests. In my opinion, I think that it is the important to find a balansce between spending time with colleagues and maintaining a separate personal life. While building the relationships with coworkers can be beneficial, it is also important to have time for yourself, family, and the other interests outside of work. Ultimately, the decision of how to spend leaisure time is thea personal choice that depends on individual preferences and circumstances. In the conclusion, there are pros and cons to spending free time with colleagues. Some people enjoy the opportunity to bond with their coworkers, while others prefer to keep work and pesrsonal life separate. There is no wrighte or wrong answer, and it is up to each person to decide what works best for them based on their own needs and values.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views on spending leisure time with colleagues and presenting a personal opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, enhancing vocabulary variety, and correcting grammatical mistakes. Structural changes made include improving transitions between paragraphs and adding specific examples to support arguments. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'On the contrary' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of the essay. Improving the linking of ideas would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'some of them likes'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'can has'), and awkward constructions. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'leasure', 'privete', 'comfrotable', 'detailz') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'spending time with colleagues'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on spending leisure time with colleagues and presents a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the arguments. For improvement, the writer could include real-life scenarios or studies that illustrate the benefits of socializing with colleagues or the importance of maintaining boundaries.
6.0

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