Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many places use their cultureal traditions to attract tourists and make money. Some peoples think ithis destroys the traditions. Other think, while others believe it is a good way to save traditionshem from being lost. I will discuss about both sides of this issue. On the one hand, useing tradition for touristm can destroy the meaning and value of the tradition. When people perform traditional dances or sell traditional food and souvenir ons solely for money from tourists, the peopley maybe not care about the real meaning behind it. Theythese practices. They often change the tradition to make tourist like it moreit more appealing to tourists. Over time, the original tradition can get lost and forgotten. So it, which ultimately destroys the culture. However, other people sayargue that tourism helps save traditions. If no tourists come, maybe the tradition wouldmay disappear because the local people are not interested toin continueing it. Tourist money giveprovides a reason to keep doengaging thein tradictional activities. More tourists means theyat communities will build museums, put on shows, makcreate souvenirs, and keep the tradition alive, even if changeit its a little bit.ltered slightly. In my opinion, I agree with useing tradition for tourism, but it must be done carefully and in balance. CIt cannot only do for money and destroybe solely for profit at the expense of meaning. ButHowever, some change is okay if help sas are acceptable if they help preserve the tradition. GThe government should makeestablish rule,s and educate people to respect and understand their culture. In conclusion, tradition and tourism can work together if do itapproached in the right way.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both views regarding the impact of tourism on cultural traditions. Key strengths include a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more developed arguments with specific examples, better transitions between ideas, and a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity in the expression of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of cultures affected by tourism and using more complex sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. For example, using cohesive devices such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would help in linking ideas more effectively. The phrase 'On the one hand' is a good start, but the second paragraph lacks a clear transition to the opposing view.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('many place use' should be 'many places use') and incorrect article usage ('the tradition' instead of 'tradition'). Additionally, sentence structures are often simplistic. To improve, the writer should focus on using more complex sentences and ensuring grammatical accuracy throughout.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misuse of words, such as 'tradition' and 'tourist.' Additionally, there are spelling errors (e.g., 'traditons,' 'disapear,' 'tradicional') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, such as using 'cultural heritage' instead of repeating 'tradition.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the impact of tourism on cultural traditions. However, the arguments could be more developed with specific examples to strengthen the points made. For instance, mentioning specific cultures or traditions that have been affected by tourism would enhance the discussion. Additionally, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the main points.
6.0

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