Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

What this means:

The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using more varied cohesive devices could enhance the flow of the essay. To improve, the writer could use linking phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas more effectively.

How to improve:

• Use a clear paragraph structure
• Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
• Maintain logical progression
• Use referencing effectively

What this means:

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'should organized' (should be 'should organize') and 'in there free time' (should be 'in their free time'). The use of 'i' should be capitalized to 'I.' These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.

How to improve:

• Use complex sentence structures
• Maintain grammatical accuracy
• Use a variety of sentence patterns
• Check for common grammar errors

What this means:

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some awkward phrasing, such as 'the spending of child free time' and 'must be freedom.' Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as 'independance' (should be 'independence') and 'controversal' (should be 'controversial'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors.

How to improve:

• Use a wider range of vocabulary
• Demonstrate awareness of collocations
• Avoid word repetition
• Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately

What this means:

The essay addresses the task prompt effectively by discussing both views regarding children's free time activities and providing a clear opinion. However, the introduction could be more engaging, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more succinctly. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples or evidence to support their arguments.

How to improve:

• Address all parts of the task fully
• Support ideas with specific examples
• Develop each point thoroughly
• Stay relevant to the topic